Death of a spouse and dating

’ Once, when I was bemoaning my single status, someone tried to reassure me that ‘the widowers are now starting to come back on the market’. However, as we get older, people increasingly find themselves single again after the death of a spouse – and, in fact, I ended up dating a lovely man who’d lost his wife to breast cancer four years earlier. It’s dangerous to start making rules about when a widow or widower will be ready for a new relationship, as every situation is unique.If a loved one is ill for a long time, we sometimes do much of our grieving before they die, and may be ready to move on more quickly.

Who’s going to remember that the doctor got the bleed and things were going in the right direction?

I’ve heard of cases where the new partner feels like an intruder in the deceased person’s home and isn’t allowed to change a thing, even decades later.

I know of one women who slept with her husband while his late wife’s picture stared down at them from the bedroom wall. Someone who’s been widowed will never forget their spouse, and neither should they – that person will always be a part of them, and a new partner must be able to embrace that fact without jealousy or resentment.

But just because someone has loved one person deeply, it doesn’t mean they can’t love another person just as much.

Plus you know they’re capable of sustaining a committed relationship.

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